Yes, what could these three things have in common? Me! Sort of… When I was young, I suffered terrible “Social Anxiety Disorder”. That means, I was at home–at home, but in the most horrible part of whatever the worst part of the world was, during the rest of the time, I wasn’t. No, I was not Agoraphobic….I was just terrified to be singled-out, when I was out in public. Let’s call that “Public-aphobic”. That was me, to the tee—then.
In later life, as an “Adult” I suffered terrible depression and anxiety, especially after the break-up of my marriage and seperation from my kids. I tried every and all anti-depressants during that time, including Zoloft. The “SSRI’s” like Zoloft, Paxil and Effexor are very, very effective at addressing those suffering from Social Anxiety and/or Depression. I ended up taking Paxil for about 6 years, rather than Zoloft. Zoloft’s immediate side-effects didn’t agree with me, but I hear that it works just about as well for many others as Paxil did for me. For the last few years I have been taking “Remeron”, which has worked quite well with both my Depression and Anxiety…quite well, but not totally.
Nothing, however, could replace, cover-up or “fix” the pain that I felt in my heart and soul as a result of my seperation from my children…my experience anyway.
These days, I’m “Philoso-phobic”. I no longer fear the outside world. Times passing has worked it’s magic for the worst of the depression and anxiety problems (for the most part). NOW I fear what the REST of the world are experiencing in THEIR outside world….ascribing to this or that philosophy….believing in it so much that they kill people, or even worse, as torture, deny or don’t care about those people who are outside of their “mini-brain”, narrow lines of thought.
But this is Christmas! This is supposed to be my first Christmas…..no, lets call this my first “Trans-Christmas” gem of thought, isn’t it?
Indeed. The Christmas that most of us celebrate here in North America is a watered-down version of Christainity. Watered-down, however, for good reason; Christians have been waiting for over 2000…that’s TWO THOUSAND years for Jesus Christ to make good on his word. Even his closest disciples thought that what he said was going to transpire within their life-times. WRONG! I dunno, but if I was Jesus—who professed to be God (indirectly at least)—I don’t think I would make myself in any way VAGUE…if I was certain that I would return very soon, I wouldn’t make my best friends wait TWO THOUSAND YEARS! If I had I friend like that, by now I would say that he was either very mistaken in his calcualation…or very rude, or at worst, totally deceived in his own thinking!!!
As for me, I’m not waiting for Jesus to return before I enjoy my Turkey dinner, are you??? If you are, I hope your enjoy the next TWO THOUSAND years, cause that amount of time is way too long for any sane human to wait. Come on….isn’t it? I can see you wavering….digging up the latest theological reason for this guy’s horrible truancy! Come on…
Nevertheless…I still recognize the “Uniqueness of Jesus”….as so beautifully described in a little booklet publish by the organization, “Campus Crusade for Christ”, written by its founder, Bill Bright. But as much as I recognize that, 30 years later, I stand somewhat disappointed, because I have not seen in my own life any evidence all of those so beautiful claims and promises that Jesus apparently made. I am these days, therefore, a reluctant skeptic. Prove me wrong!!! I welcome your input!!!
IN THE MEANTIME: On behalf the the ever-absent Jesus Christ in my life….I would like to welcome all of those who are alive in THIS present time and age to still enjoy at least the kernal of what Jesus left us after all these years…to enjoy the spirit of giving, more so of compassion that he showed to us, however brief his time was, and to NOW connect with a “REAL LIVE PERSON”….who, I’m sorry to admit, will probably only live another half century—at most—but in the absense of you know who….I would be happy to connect with you…to give you any and all encouragement that I can, to keep on keeping on in this very, very long “Jesus-waiting-line”….but rather in this thing that I just call “Life”…which is as it is….so sorry to disappoint you…but by simply accepting the TRUTH of the matter (something Jesus spoke highly of, until he ‘ascended’, leaving the rest of us ‘descended’) but which, if seen from a slightly different angle, can still be GLORIOUS.
That’s my CHRISTmas wish, and New Years dream….to be able to put here on this simple blog…something for you that will enflame your heart and spirit and hopefully nourish your soul.
I wish you all the very best that could happen…that might happen…that could still happen on this beautiful Xmas Eve of 2008. We just have to have an open heart and open mind to let it, to let LIFE be…as it is. Let life be as it is. Don’t try to make it what you think it should be….just let it BE, AS IT IS. If you do that, I PROMISE you….more peace and happiness is in your future than you can imagine.
Much love to you all,
Tim
P.S. If you would like to hear more about my years of Anti-depressant and Anti-Anxiety drugs and experiences, pleast let me know.
One Man's Journal.... 
Tim, so glad to hear you have conquered your fears. I too am free of my fears, however I have no shame in confessing it is in fact by the power of Jesus Christ that I am who I now am. You neglect to acknowledge the fact that though he hasn’t yet returned to the earth, it isn’t because he isn’t ready, it’s because we aren’t ready. Before he returns, half of the current unsaved population will be saved. So we have a bit to go. If you notice the current trends, the church as it is, that is religion and “church buildings”, is being reformed. Because Christ isn’t coming back for a church building. He is coming back for a people. Until those people arise, he will continue to wait on us. As for those disciple friends of his, I wouldn’t worry on their behalf. They are already living in his constant presence in heaven, ruling with him, just as they were promised. Oh Tim, please don’t be fooled… he is coming soon. All of creation waits!
Another comment… I agree with you that Christmas is a watered down holiday. Most would consider it Christian, but I consider it “psuedo-Christian”, maybe “Neo-christian”. No where does the bible command us to celebrate Christmas (nor Easter). Fundamentally, as Christians we should be embracing the seven Jewish festivals which God put in place. When one looks into it, one realizes that these festivals are for the understanding of the coming of the Messiah and the role that the he would play in redeeming and restoring both man and the earth. Jesus in fact came as a fulfillment of these festivals… not so that we should stop celebrating them and create new ones, but so that they can be celebrated in their entirety.In fact it is a very interesting study which I recommend. Of course, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with Christmas or Easter. All the more reason to celebrate if you ask me. Although Christmas and Easter when glanced through a spiritual lens are looking pretty pathetic these days. If Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny want them that badly, let ’em have em.
M.
I am a bit curious, Misia…you say that before he returns that half of the population will, as a prerequisite, have to be saved. But, half of WHAT population? The earths population is growing at an exponential rate. Look up “Demography” on Google and check it out! When will the “Half” be accomplished? Demographically, NEVER! That is a statistical certainty…UNLESS…unless we have a huge plague-like sickness that KILLS a whole bunch of people, leaving the, the what…the most worthy for deliverance? In my books, that is not LOVE! What is LOVE? LOVE is what will deliver all. Yes, God is Love.
I’m not disagreeing….I’m only pointing out! I think your new convictions are wonderful. They will lead you to the Truth!
Wow. Why would you think that God would send a plague or sickness to bring down the population before he comes to get them? More like the opposite. Do you not think God is entirely aware that the earths population is increasing at an exponential rate? Do you not think he might have some inkling of what is happening down here? How about the idea that maybe he is the one causing the increase? It will be half the current population… at least. Because from there, it could very well turn into almost the entire population for all we know (purely speculating on this one). He will not come back to claim a limping, battered, sickly bride, he will come back to claim his strong, perfect warrior bride. That’s what’s taking so long. You really sound like you want to blame God for all that is wrong in the world, but you forget that he gave us free will. It is not his will that any should perish… but again, free will. He will never force himself upon someone. However there will be a “great harvest of souls” before the end comes, this is in the bible and also is prophesied by trusted modern day prophets. As for when, of course we won’t know an exact date and time, but those who are wise can perceive the times. It just makes me so sad to think that people actually have this pathetic vision of Jesus coming down to a charred and barren earth, and plucking up a few bedraggled believers who happen to have survived. When really – the opposite! The church will be glowing and miraculous and pride will beam from his face when he receives us. Hmm.. can you tell I’m excited? I don’t mean to be overbearing, but I simply can’t hide it! I only hope to give you another perspective… one that I believe to be much more accurate!
http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/7299
I recommend scrolling down to the part that’s titled “I want you to go forth and multiply”
He only forget to tell us how LONG we should “Go Forth” and do that….Jesus made his closest disciples believe that he would return to them to fulfill all of his promises…in their lifetimes. How many lifetimes have passed during the wait? How many more? Is that “Hope”?
“Compassion” and “Love” don’t do that to people. Compassion and love DO, NOW. If not…it simply isn’t there!
I’m sorry you feel so hurt by God, for whatever reason.
But really… there’s these people who hear about the “signs of the coming apocolypse” and they think, I’ll just keeping living however I wanna live, and when the signs start showing up, I’ll know to smarten up. And really… if we knew the date and time, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t do anything until the last minute. That’s just not how it works. Jesus never said to the disciples that he would return in their lifetimes. He said he is coming soon. Soon is a relative term. What does soon mean in the realm of eternity? You know that song, “time keeps on slippin’ into the future”? God doesn’t measure time like man measures time, by seconds and minutes and hours and days and years. God measures time in seasons. Seasons of opportunity. I think that one of the “signs” of the “end times” is not only one word currency, one world religion, but also one world language. This may literally happen… but also… the whole world already runs on one language… binary code. The language of computers. And there is revelation to be marvelled at, God speaking to us even through this absurdity… 0’s and 1’s. “ON”s or “OFFs”, “open”s or “closed”s. Every digit is an opportunity to be either a YES or a NO, to be either ON or to be OFF. To be negative, or to be positive. The marvel of Jesus was that he was always a YES. He was always ON. He never once took the easy way or decided to “sit one out”. He was never a “0”… therefore he was “The 1” (har har). At every juncture or opportunity that was presented to him, he chose to have faith and be on. If this line of thinking, this “paradigm” were not of much importance to God, why would he choose to make our entire world dependent on this language? We need to begin looking closer at the things around us…. we will see that God is real and speaking to us, to those who would have eyes to see and ears to hear. We would see that after two thousand years of praying for “thy kingdom come” it is happening.. and heaven is more here than it has ever been and Jesus is closer than he ever has been.
Missing you my dear. I hope all is well with you. Would be great to hear from you! Take care.