Life

One DNA strand away…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

We all like to think, we’re rather distinct, but in fact we’re not, at least not as much as we like to think.

You see, DNA is a thing that distinguishes this from that. One stand, or even less in fact, makes you as different from this or that.

It’s not that we’re not unique. That’s it, in fact, that makes it such a feat, that little strand.

And so we stand, all proudly so! But this much we all should know — that a little strand of a thing so small, can make the difference between us all.

In the meantime, perhaps, look around you now – see, we’re each unique, and in that wisdom I beg you seek…

If we see all that we’ll have no fear, you see, or future tear, because we’ll see the good within us all and live our lives, I pray, with peace, or dare I say – love? For all.

Dross…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

This day is dross, it grows like moss and yet it goes a pitter-patter.

Why should I care, why should I dare, since it really doesn’t matter.

And yet, some say, I should care before I cast it all into the air, for the wind to take it where it will, this way or that without being still, for a moments grasp in desperation until it lands upon the station, of life lived, lost and left behind. Too much thought for this frail mind.

I am what I am, or I is what I is, as Popeye said, before he died upon his bed.

There really isn’t this or that or whatever else we think is this or that.

There is only what is, accept or not, not a damn thing upon which to hang our hat

Other than who we are and know down deep. And with that fact, I’ll rest in sleep.

My personal Covid-19 statement…March 22nd, 2020.

~ Tim ~ 1 Comment

covid-19

I’m having a really rough time with this whole Covid-19 thing. Health officials are now saying that France, Spain, then the US, then here in Canada — that we’re all on the same illness trajectory. Meaning, the horror we’re seeing in Italy, is heading our way, inexorably.

Of course things will vary — Italy has a very high percentage of older people compared to other countries, and we have had more time to prepare, but the experts are saying that while that may slow down the speed at which it’s spreading, it may have little ultimate effect on its inevitable, inexorable march through our homes. We now know the virus is hitting a lot of younger people too, so it’s not just targeting one cohort, it’s targeting us all. Targeting us, making us sick, but also in a big way now victimizing us with “social distancing”, which is dramatically changing the way we have all lived in ways more than revolutionary.

Today, not being able to go about my normal routine, the gym, the grocery store, the pub, etc was extremely hard for me. Instead, I had to stay home, try to read or watch TV, most of which is all about Covid-19. I couldn’t go for a walk, or a run because there are now so many people out on the streets and out on the local trails that it’s impossible to keep the safe distance! So, the main message now is to STAY HOME.

This is not the “new normal” as some psychologists are suggesting we will all need to “adapt to”! This is the new “ab-normal” that none of us are at all prepared for. We are social beings — it can and never will become a “new normal”, because it’s completely unnatural for our species.

While I’m feeling terribly sorry for myself today, as much or more I’ve been crying off and on today thinking about everybody else, here around me and around the world who CANNOT and may never get used to this new, “normal”. Those who fear not just the loss of their own lives, but of their loved ones, their friends, their neighbours. We’re living in a moment by moment time of huge uncertainty.

We hear everyone now saying, “We are all in this together”, but we’re all also in a place so very unnatural and hard for us, a place that bores down to the very root of our soul, to a place of fear, with the potential to rip apart the very social fabric of our being. This is not a, “United We Stand” situation. This is a “United We Fear” catastrophe — fearing, even, one another. I predict many broken hearts – emotionally and literally, many inconsolable friends, many impossible demands upon us all.

These are not just “tough times”, friends, these are virtually impossible times for too, too many…

Dear God, may we all somehow see this through.

#covid19

 

 

Memories…vestiges of time.

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

We cling to memories as if they define us…but they really don’t….what we do is what defines us….memories are ghost images of what’s scarcely behind us in time, according to the clock. What we do in the present is the only true indicator of the person, of who we are, because it is us here right now.

What if…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

What if there just absolutely isn’t any definitive answer to our angst-ridden, age-old, search for Truth!? What if we just were not meant to know, or that there simply just isn’t any answer to that immortal question? THAT, I think is the closest we will ever get to an answer, IMHO (in my humble opinion). An answer to the true meaning of life, I mean, of course. Knowing the uncertainty of it sort of makes it certain, doesn’t it?

What is…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

I think that we all share a reticence, a fundamental dislike towards “what is”, that which is, the very facts of our existence. I think many spend their entire lives in rebellion to this, what I see as, a basic truth, a basic fact–in fact THE basic fact of life.

“What is”, as I see it, is life as, or as we choose not, to see it. It is what is regardless of our upbringing or education or opinion. It simply is that which is–apart from what we think it might, could, or should be. When we rebel against this, or choose to simply ignore it, we end up miserable and unhappy. Could–dare it be–that most or perhaps all of our unhappiness in life stems from our refusal to SEE, to accept life just as it is?

 

God…etc.

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

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Some people have difficulty conceiving of God, of believing in God. I know. Here is my conception of God, borrowed from Jung. He said, “God is the name by which I designate all things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans, and intentions and change the course of my life for better or worse”.

To which I will add, God is the magic in the moment, the spirit in the spritzer. Goosebumps when we know something extraordinarily unusual and unique is happening. The inner knowing in a situation that would otherwise behoove us. The bird that lands close to us during our most desperate moments. A sudden coincidence that we cannot explain. The colour of the blossoms that catch our eye, the scent of the flowers that suddenly overpower us. The fresh breath of a child as they grasp and hold us without expecting. The pictures just sent from my daughter of her son playing languidly in the beach sand. The lingering moment between sunset and darkness that stirs something within our souls. That is God, and then some. Perhaps those reading could add to this in the comments? That would be nice, and another gift from God.

Is that sort of God difficult to believe in? I don’t think so. To me, that’s just the type of God I need! The one I have been longing for.

And in the end, if you still have difficulty believing, ask God — as a pure act of faith, which just means having great hope really — to reveal himself/herself/itself to you in some special way… he will, if you are open to it and looking for it. The little bird in my description above was just one of many ways he did for me. I feed the birds from my patio. Each spring the Junco’s leave for cooler weather in the deep forests. Each fall they return. One morning, in particular desperation I asked God for a sign, anything, to know that he cared, that he was there. I walked into my living room and there flew down onto my patio the first Junco, returning from the summer. I gasped with unbelief, but soon grasped the belief, the sign. That is beyond coincidence. That’s GOD. If he did it for me, many times, he can for you. Just ask! What have you got to lose? Nothing.

P.S. When Jung was asked one day if he “believes” in God, he answered, “I don’t ‘believe’, I KNOW! (that God exists), because of his life-long experiences. At this stage of my life, I can say the same.

What is the answer?

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Vainglory hope is the answer. How many people have been puzzled by life, hoping desperately to find an answer to the meaning of it all, but die before they find it? I think most, like 99.9 percent.

“Oh, Tim’s full of doom and gloom tonight!”. I may be. But you know, I’m 57 now (2016). 7 years ago, were it not for modern medicine, I’d be 7 years dead. What’s that all mean? That “God” has some plan for me, which is why I’m still alive today? I doubt it. If he has, I haven’t figured it out yet, 7 years later. I’d like to hope that God had some sort of special plan for me, but you know, at this stage of life and living, I’ve learned a lot, and am ok being a bit skeptical now.

The fact is, as I said above, most people die before they figure life out, before they have their epiphany, before they have the “Damascas Road” experience. That’s just the way it is. Why? I dunno.

What can we make of these dismal statistics? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t think we were created for “something special”, folks. Yes, we are each unique and wonderful human beings, but that’s as far as it goes, I think. Whatever we can give or do through to the end of today is itself a huge blessing. I know.

As the bible says, “For today we live and tomorrow we die”. Maybe that’s really it! If we can keep that in mind each day that we awaken, then we might make a difference in the lives of the people around us for that next day’s grace. If we don’t, well…no one will really notice. Oh well.

Today is all we have, folks. Tomorrow is a crap-shoot, a blessing if given…another day to make another day count for those around us. Let’s do at least that.

ALS it is…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Yes, Bill has ALS. He tried to convince the doctor that his SEVEN falls in the past two years were due to his dog pulling him over during walks. Well, convincing, because Bill had a young “King Poodle” until a couple months ago. That dog almost pulled ME over the few times that I went up to visit Bill while he was still living close to me. “Would you mind taking Jimmy out for a walk?” he used to ask. Sure, I said. Damn dog tried to take ME for a walk until I smacked him on the snout and told him who was the boss.

Anyway, after the doctors appointment yesterday, which I was able to sit in on to listen, Bill acquiesced and agree that the doctor must be right (after the doctor said he was 99.9% certain that Bill has ALS, and added, “Oh by the way, Bill, I’m a ALS specialist”). Ok, I threw my two cents worth in there two to help Bill SEE the full picture.

Marvelous human nature! Bill still left the office optimistic, because the doc said he was referring him to an ALS clinic where they would be able to fix him up with a brace for his leg that would most assuredly help him to keep walking more steadily, for a while…

We went for lunch afterwards, as planned. Bill enjoyed the Dry Ribs and several of the beers.

Today, I got up early and hustled my arse around the building until about 3. Then I drove out to our swimming pool supply place and picked up all of the pool chemicals that we would need for the season and then stopped by the Red Cross Equipment supply place to pick up a 2 inch riser for Bills toilet seat that he really needed. I got to his place about 5, with a nice cold 6-pack of beer to celebrate the toilet-rising! It was a grand event.

Thank God for lifes simple blessings.