Life, on the other side…

Time to write. I have a dear friend recently diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. She has 3 months to 3 years to live. Either way, it’s terminal and her time will be up. Fact is, our time in this form of being that I call, “Life” is short. Even shorter than we think, especially as we get older. When we are young, the time-to-the-end seems long, but as we age, that time distinction seems to shorten, which I suppose is natural and normal.

That said, we resist the notion of dying, and that is normal and natural too. In my experience, my resistance to dying and death was much stronger when I was younger. As I have aged, the thought of not-being is, I must say happily, not as daunting.

Here’s why I think this: Life is bloody challenging! Life for the most part it is a huge challenge and struggle, to do it right. And there’s the rub — “to do it right”. Doing it right for me here in Canada is completely different from how that is defined in another country and culture, like Egypt, or Zimbabwe. Every culture, every group of different people, have their own definitions of what, “doing it right” actually is. Even within our own culture we have big differences in opinion about how we should live our lives, which brings me to my main point.

If there are so many differing ideas and opinions about how we define living life well, what is the real value of OURS compared to THEIRS? I don’t think there is ANY value, idea or opinion about Life and how it should be lived that is any “better” than any others — anywhere. I’m not talking about stuff that includes killing others. THAT is another matter that I think boils down to common, fundamental human religious or political ideas, values and opinions — a topic for another time.

So, getting back to my point, I think that the things we hold true to and value, in the perspective of world-cultural viewpoints, are relative and perhaps even meaningless. This doesn’t mean that we need to give up on our particular world-views. Rather, recognize that the way that we think about some things are very relative, and realize that a new view gives us FREEDOM. Freedom to let go, to relax and to in some other way enjoy life — as it should be!

And when this form of being that we call Life comes to an end, I think for many older people — especially those very old or sick, it can actually be a relief — freedom from the pain and hardship. An end to this form of being called Life, yes, which is an unavoidable and inevitable end for us ALL eventually. We don’t know what’s on the other side! It could be glorious!!! That’s certainly what I’m hoping for…

Pulmonary Embolism Shmembolism!

I’m sorry, I haven’t had the energy to write lately. Guess I had a delayed reaction to my illness. Today’s news has added to that. I saw my Family doctor for a follow-up appointment. She has received all of the test results from the hospital. Turns out both of my lungs were completely covered with multiple clots, encompassing the entire surface of both. They have NO IDEA what caused this. Apparently it does happen to some people sort of spontaneously, like mine, without any explanation. The hospital specialists and my family GP are all scratching their heads. When I went into the hosptital, they thought I was a goner! 5 days later I walked out, feeling pretty good, all things considered. Everyone is amazed, including me!

The next step in cases like mine is to continue the search for the cause. Their first suspicion is CANCER. Oh great. In fact, the Ultrasound they did while I was in the hospital did reveal a growth of some sort on my liver…(not related to alcohol consumption) which they THINK is a cyst, which of course is harmless…IF that’s what it turns out to be. I have another Ultrasound scheduled, along with a CT scan, for the near future to take a closer look.

Other than that, each day I feel better and better. My lung capacity feels only slightly impaired. But I certainly can’t move very quickly or exert myself for more than 30 seconds without getting winded. For sure, assuming I don’t have cancer, my recovery will be fairly long-coming, but at least certain.

My birth grand-father (I’m adopted) died at 66 from Colon Cancer. He was first diagnosed at age 42. My birth-mother (his daughter) died at 66 from Pancreatic cancer. So the history is there. I just hope that that is not MY history to be as well!

Anyway, looking at things positively, this experience has certainly helped me to focus on what is important to me. I think my years and years of procrastination are finally over! My sense of urgency has multipied exponentially! So what’s next? First, to be declared cancer-free. I’m holding my breath for that one! Until then? Until then it’s just live each day to the fullest. I’ll do my best to document these travels here, for those of you who care.

Cheers for now.