Blog Entry

ALS it is…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Yes, Bill has ALS. He tried to convince the doctor that his SEVEN falls in the past two years were due to his dog pulling him over during walks. Well, convincing, because Bill had a young “King Poodle” until a couple months ago. That dog almost pulled ME over the few times that I went up to visit Bill while he was still living close to me. “Would you mind taking Jimmy out for a walk?” he used to ask. Sure, I said. Damn dog tried to take ME for a walk until I smacked him on the snout and told him who was the boss.

Anyway, after the doctors appointment yesterday, which I was able to sit in on to listen, Bill acquiesced and agree that the doctor must be right (after the doctor said he was 99.9% certain that Bill has ALS, and added, “Oh by the way, Bill, I’m a ALS specialist”). Ok, I threw my two cents worth in there two to help Bill SEE the full picture.

Marvelous human nature! Bill still left the office optimistic, because the doc said he was referring him to an ALS clinic where they would be able to fix him up with a brace for his leg that would most assuredly help him to keep walking more steadily, for a while…

We went for lunch afterwards, as planned. Bill enjoyed the Dry Ribs and several of the beers.

Today, I got up early and hustled my arse around the building until about 3. Then I drove out to our swimming pool supply place and picked up all of the pool chemicals that we would need for the season and then stopped by the Red Cross Equipment supply place to pick up a 2 inch riser for Bills toilet seat that he really needed. I got to his place about 5, with a nice cold 6-pack of beer to celebrate the toilet-rising! It was a grand event.

Thank God for lifes simple blessings.

Old Bill…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Today I take my elderly (compared to me; he’s 75) friend, Bill, for his follow-up appointment with the Neurologist. I took him to his first appointment about 3 weeks ago. Surprisingly, the doctor invited me in then to “hear the news”. It wasn’t good news. He said, “I don’t have good news for you, Bill. In fact it’s very bad news. You have ALS, Bill”. Bill looked confused. “I thought I had Sciatica?” was all he could sputter, surely, amidst his overwhelming clouds of emotion, with a very confused, searching type of look on his face Meanwhile, I’m trying to remember what the fuck ALS is. I should have asked the doctor. I thought Bill might know. I’d ask him when we leave. He didn’t know. We had to Google it, right there in the bloody elevator as we were going down….

The doc said he wanted to run some tests to rule out “other things” that can mask as ALS, like AIDS. AIDS??? Bill??? Hardly!!! Then the doc said he was going on vacation for 6 weeks and wouldn’t be able to see Bill again until June 7th. That’s today. Meanwhile, two days after that appointment, Bill’s back feels better. He calls to tell me “good news”. No back pain, to Bill, means he doesn’t really has ALS. It’s Sciatica afterall! “Oh that’s great, Bill”. “Ya,” he says with childish delight. Post-script: I can still hear his desperately hopeful voice saying that to me now as I re-read this. (Feb 2018).

I know all the “Stages of Grief“. I first learned all that when I was a cop, then later at university in the plethora of Psychology and Sociology courses I took. Bill classically launched  into the “Denial” stage, and has stayed there for the last three weeks. At least he has been able to relax and have some hope for the last three weeks…

I think I’m more nervous this morning than Bill is. Assuming the doctor asks me in again, I know what I’m going to hear. The doctor didn’t say that Bill “might” have ALS a few weeks ago. He said, most definitively that he “HAS” ALS, but wanted to run those other tests, you know, to “rule out AIDS” and the like.

In the meantime I gotta say I’ve been struggling with my own mortality. ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) usually strikes people in their prime. Think Lou Gehrig or Stephen Hawking. Bill’s actually lucky to be getting it so late in life. Once diagnosed, you have a 2 to 5 year lifespan left. There is no cure and sweet all medications to help with it. Not that I’m assuming that I will get it, or God knows what else. There are a host of diseases running around out there. But hey, I’m 57 and very healthy these days–since my near-death experience at 50. But seeing all this happen with my friend Bill really isn’t easy, for Bill especially, of course. I’m ok. At 11:30 this morning Bill isn’t going to be ok. I’ll take him for lunch afterwards to his favourite spot. They serve good beer there too, which I’m sure he will be far more interested in today than the food…

I realized this morning that I’ve lived a very sheltered life. Nevermind that I saw a boat-load of life for the short time that I was in the police department. Since then, I really have been insulated. I don’t know why. Well, our society seems to be built that way. We hide all of the nasty stuff, in sanitoriums or hospitals or rest homes. And I think the police department may have shocked me so much that I unconsciously insulated myself and closed my eyes to many of life’s vagaries and vicissitudes. Surprisingly, I think, in some weird sense, I’ve been missing something important. Time to open my eyes again me thinks, look-see, and write about it, starting this morning with Bill.

Post-script: Bill died in November 2017.

Begging Jesus?

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

It’s been MANY years since we’ve seen Jesus. Like over 2000 years.

I wonder why? If he was who he sort of claimed to be, then why hasn’t he shown himself in the meantime? Present day Christians need to believe it all on FAITH, after 2 thousand years!

If Jesus was who he seemed to suggest he was, based on the biblical accounts, then for sure he would have manifested in some tangible shape form or imagination since then, wouldn’t you think? Ok, one could argue that he has appeared in many non-tangible ways, such as through miraculous healings and so many new church building funds being successfully provided (!).

Christianity is a lifeless religion today. The founder was very charismatic. For sure. But, since he died, ok, ascended to heaven, there has been very little to support his cause. Paul of Taursus was the last one to supposedly see Jesus. Well, that was 2 thousand years ago as well!

Jesus died, was apparently risen and showed himself as such. That’s been hotly debated and challenged. Christians divided have started countless sects, countless denominations, even started many war’s between them and others. I don’t see LOVE in all that division. Where there is division, there is no love.

If Jesus really was who he thought that he was, one would assume he would have reappeared since then, and really given people a life-blooded reason to believe! But he hasn’t been able to reappear, leaving a lot of confusing Church doctrine asking people to continue to believe. Jesus was Jesus. Christianity is our interpretation of his life’s purpose.

That said, Jesus did preach a good word, about love and compassion. THAT is his enduring legacy. He was an amazing man, with an amazing message, promoting love and compassion. Nothing else. Just that, however, is HUGE.

Love, and compassion. Probably the most humanitarian and important virtues that our world needs to value, embrace and live.

 

 

Every War Is a Civil War…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

guns

A civil war is a war between peoples of the same place.

All of humanity is from the same place; Planet Earth.

That means we are killing OURSELVES. It’s just that simple.

That shouldn’t be right to any sensible, conscious, human being.

The problem is that things like religion and political ideology mess up the simplicity of the facts…and the slaughter continues.

WHY? Why do we kill ourselves? Ideology? Religion?

To kill another human being, regardless of the religion or ideology, is…there just has to be something very wrong with that, no? Thinking about it, I know and I can’t believe how many people on our planet today can easily, recklessly, justify killing with scarcely a thought–another one.of.you.and.me.

Don’t confuse the facts with ideology, religion or politics. At root, we all know down deep that killing others is just.plain.wrong.

 

Midsummer’s Night…

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Midsummer night, the birds alight….
Sunset’s now, I don’t know how, to express the thoughts yet so bright
The fields lay fallow but now aren’t shallow, they burst with life and little strife
Seedlings gone, now tall and strong, the sunflower leans and faces high
Cricket’s groan, upon their stones, frog’s all follow into the shallow
Bright moon waning, after such a showing
Too little that we’ll ever know
Not to matter, tomorrow is another day, that I say with crickets groaning, the frogs a croaking almost soaking in this and that and the other thing, another day for us to sing!

Summer Heat

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Fir tree paintingHardly a lovely, cool evening like I last described. Today it’s really hot. Every summer we usually get a few weeks of hot, hot weather. Ok, hot for us here on the West Coast; high 70’s to upper 80’s. But we’re not used to the heat. My spoiled bag of bones finds it unpleasant. I can’t imagine other countries where the heat soars easily into the 90’s or above 100 even, for months.

I had the luxury of going for a run earlier, before the heat set right in. I hit the wooded trails not far from here, in the University of British Columbia endowment lands. Simply glorious. Cooler in the forest, protected by the tree tops. I ran with a special joy today — really seeing, smelling and feeling the beauty around me. Reflecting on my ability, at 55 years of age, a major health scare behind me, to still be able to go out to run, to pound my way throughout the welcoming trails, to fully, completely breath in the pine scents and sweet soil — has to be a miracle. I started running when I was about 8! Oh, gratitude! Life — God — has truly blessed me with these leg’s that can still run, with these these lungs that continue to breath, with this heart that knows and feels and appreciates my real fortune. Indeed, I am a fortunate man. May you find and realize the same…

Spring Rain

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Evening draws nigh. Darkness descends. Outside, a robust late spring rain cleanses, washing the landscape, the fresh trees, the city street’s, folks passing by. Fresh, cool air. I love this time of year. The evenings are tepid, neither cold nor hot. Just right. Comfortable, you know?

I haven’t written for a long, long time. What excuse can I give, should I give? I have no excuse other than confessing the frailty of my soul, the weakness of my being, my utter, bloody humanity. Yet, tonight’s writing is a good sign. Evidence, that at least a man such as I can come back from the brink. From the brink of destruction, from the brink of despair, the brink of desperation and rise from the ashes.

Something within me is singing, resonating, shining with a glimmer of hope, hope realized, come true even. Is this God? I’d like to think it so. What else, what other power outside or within, could resurrect a disintegrated spirit? If there is a God, then certainly this is it.

Being free…..

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

Nov 12, 2013.

I have a friend. His name is Larry. Larry sends me texts late at night. Last nights stated, “I’m going to die drinking. I hate my life….”.

One small voice shouts forth along this media-chain that we call the Internet. Today’s debate in the world….the new world trade centre in New York is 300 feet taller than any other in the US….beating out Chicago’s Sear’s Centre by that much. Today’s crisis…the Philippines storm disaster. Millions in desperate need.

Larry has a family. Two older teenagers still living at home. When they sleep, he drinks, a lot. He tops the night off with a small joint. Larry has tried everything to help him stop drinking. Yet, like so many — way more than we know, he is caught in the demons grip….the grip of alcohol addiction. I am as well. I live alone. It’s easy for me to get away with.

My mission in life? To find a way to help people like Larry, and myself. God grant me the wisdom, before alcohol takes Larry, before it takes ME. God bless Larry….and everyone caught in the demons grasp.

I BELIEVE….that I will find a way for me and Larry and many others to BE FREE. This is my quest and perhaps my destiny.

Pigs and Apples

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

A tractor salesman drives up to a farm and is startled to see the farmer lifting a large pig up to the branch of an apple tree. As the salesman watches in amazement, the pig bites a large apple off the branch, whereupon the farmer gently puts the animal down and picks up another pig, who in turn gobbles up his own apple from the tree. This goes on for quite a few pigs, until the salesman can no  longer restrain himself.

“Excuse me,” he says to the farmer, “but wouldn’t it be easier to pick all the apples yourself and let the pigs eat them off the ground?”

“Might be,” says the farmer as he reaches for yet another pig. “But what’s the advantage?”

“For one thing,” says the salesman, “it would save a lot of time”.

“Could be,” says the farmer. “But what’s time to a pig?”