Pulmonary Embolism Surprise

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

A week ago I had no idea what a Pulmonary Embolism is. I also didn’t know until yesterday that I had not just one, but several on both of my lungs. Apparently the smaller ones paled in size comparison to the HUGE one on my left—approx 3″ in diameter—so no one bothered to mention the extra’s. That’s fine. I saved a weeks time of extra fretting about those.

A Pulmonary Embolism is a blood clot situated in ones lung. The clot often starts somewhere in the legs but then all or part of it decides to do some travelling, making it’s way in my case to my lungs where it set up camp, pitched a tent in my veins, blocking them, effectively shutting down 75% of the blood supply to the left side. I don’t know what it did to the right. My doctor couldn’t find the CT Scan image yesterday to show me (she just set up her practice and is not completely organized just yet).

Blood clots that do their vacation travelling can opt for a couple other destination campgrounds. They also enjoy visiting the heart where they like to cause heart attacks. Another popular spot is the brain, where they enjoy causing strokes.

But thank God we live in age where Medical Science can effectively treat these things! The two most common drugs used to treat these little buggers are called “Heparin” (Brand named Coumadin) and “Warfarin”. Technically called “anticoagulants” they thin the blood so that existing clots can’t get any bigger and help to prevent the formation of new clots. Then, it’s up to the body to naturally dissolve the clots over time, which can take months. That’s the route the doctors are taking with me, but for those who have especially life-threatening clots they may elect to administer another more potent drug that instantly dissolves the clot, or they may even do surgery. Both of these procedures come with additional risks and complications, known especially to cause stokes, although in a very small percentage (approx 1%) of cases. I was very lucky, then, to have only needed the initial treatment with Heparin and now with Warfarin, which I will be taking for the next 3 to 6 months.

So thanks to my lung clots, I’m told I also now have “Pulmonary Hypertension” which is is an increase in blood pressure in the artery or veins that supply blood from the heart to the lungs. This causes shortness of breath, dizziness, fainting, and other symptoms, all of which are exacerbated by exertion. There goes my Triathlon training!

So that’s the background of what happened to me last week, landing me in the hospital for 5 wonderful days. I’ll talk about that next time.

Just another Saturday in Vancouver, Iran, and the rest of the WORLD!

~ Tim ~ Leave a comment

It’s 12:41pm, Saturday August 29th, 2009. Off in the distance a car alarm is sounding. The sun is shining on the Maple tree leaves just outside my window. Fresh (as fresh as city air can be) cool air is wafting through the open window above my desk (bringing city dust in along with it).

My two-day’s-ago-turned-19-year’s-old daughter, with whom I have been texting back and forth this morning, has just arrived in Nanaimo with her friend to do some shopping.

My office is a bit of a mess. I have things to do around the building in which I live and manage. Things I should do, probably, but it’s my day off so I don’t really have to. I’m thinking about that. My sister-in-law is angry with me. My brother doesn’t talk to me. They both think they have good reasons for that. My brother has high blood-pressure. I worry about him. I’m the worlds worst Uncle to his children. My children and his children never did get along, so they aren’t on each others “Facebook” pages as “Friends”. Nor am I, being the worlds worst Uncle.

My dear friend Bill, who is 82 (whose wife recently died), disappeared this week. I thought he was “gone”. Rather, a “goner”; maybe had done himself in. I had terrible images of that. He lives an hour and a half’s drive from here. Had he not finally answered his phone last night around 7, I would have immediately driven out to see if he was there, dead or alive. I cried—tears of relief—without his hearing or anyone else’s seeing (I was at the Pub), when I heard his voice. He called me his “Son” during the conversation, as he excitedly described his visit to a wonderful medical clinic down in Portland, Oregon. They think he should be open to getting married again.

I’m 50 years old. My Mom and Dad’s magic number for me, but I won’t explain why. I feel like a loser, given the sad state of my life and affairs after all these years, although my therapist assures me that I am not, that I have some GOOD REASONS for being a loser! (I mean this facetiously, no disrespect intended) She’s beginning to convince me, thank God.

Someone is watering the plants with a garden hose at the apartment complex next door. It sounds cool and refreshing, even though it isn’t hot here today.

Iran’s political leader, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced on Friday that he wants the guy’s who ran against him in their so-called Democratic political election, ARRESTED because they incited opposition towards him and the Holy Clerics during the election. Now THAT’s what I call a good incentive for future political leader aspirants to NOT run for public office in Iran!!! I’ll bet you a hundred dollars that Mr. Ahmadinejad is losing votes right now for the next election…!?

The sky is blue right now. I’m hungry.

The Swine Flu (H1N1) has mutated to a more virulent form as feared and predicted, going straight to the lungs, causing severe respiratory failure, requiring those afflicted to be hooked up to respirators. Children, people with Diabetes, Asthma (that includes me), or are Obese are especially at risk. That’s a LOT of people! Hospitals are not equipped to handle that. There simply are not enough respirators to go around. A lot of people are going to die. Not those who have AIDSs, however. For some strange reason people infected with the AIDS virus are resistant…!? What an ironic twist that is.

Everything that I have been writing about today is, put very simply, “What Is”—what is happening right here around me in my home, in my thoughts and around the world. There is a LOT more happening, a lot more of “what is” going on around me, in my thoughts and the world than I have just described, of course. A lot of Philosophy, Eastern philosophy and religions in particular, focus on this concept of “What Is”. If we can simply stay focused on “What Is”, then we won’t be WORRYING about what REALLY IS… what is actually happening around us. Less worry, less stress. Nirvana! Ostrich head stuck in the sand. Truck coming around the corner?! Maybe, maybe not.

I think I will get myself something to eat and then call my friend Bill. After that I will probably do that work around the building that I can’t seem to let-be, let-is, what-have-you!

Cheers and thanks for visiting. If fate landed you here, on the first day of this Blog’s posting here on WordPress….bless you.

Tim

Lost futures…

~ Tim ~ 3 Comments

A dear friend of mine’s wife is critically ill in hospital right now. She’s 85. My friend is 82. He and his wife has been married just shy of 50 years. We visited with the both of them only 2 weeks ago. Mary seemed tired and said she was suffering from an infection of some sort. A week later, she had a stroke, followed by another shortly after. As of today, she’s in the hospital, dimly hanging on. Bill knows that she’s dying. He’s preparing himself for that.

When Bill and I spoke, he said to me, “You know, Timothy, when I saw her lying there today, I saw almost 50 years of my life about to disappear. I’ve always been able to look forward to the future, but now at my age, the future isn’t there anymore….all that there is now is today.”

Bill is a retired United Church minister, and Real Estate Agent. In an ardent attempt to cheer him up, I said,  “So Bill, perhaps it’s time now to consider yourself a Buddhist!”. He laughed  and then asked why. “Because Buddhists only recognize and live in today, in the present moment. They believe that today is all that there is…so congratulations, you have reached Nirvana! The goal of all Buddhist’s! To achieve pure living in the present moment.”

He quickly changed the subject, but before our chat ended thanked me for helping him to feel a little better about things and ended by saying, “So I guess I’ll have to think like a Buddhist now”. This time we both laughed, and I bid him well.

This story is not about what a great guy I am by cheering up my dear friend. Rather, after our conversation it made me think about how religious or philisophical views can influence our lives. Bill, a lifetime devout Christian, has lived most of his life looking forward to tomorrow. And for good reason; Christians have been “looking forward” to the return of Jesus for 2000 years, living each day in hope of his return.

Can you see how this religious-based forward-looking thinking can transfer over into the rest of a persons daily life? Bill has been living in this way for 82 years. Now, with the prospect of losing his wife after almost 50 of those years, and with a fresh stark realization of his own age and mortality, he feels that he has little, if anything left to look forward to. He’s right of course. Yes, being the devout Christian that he is, he can still look forward to the return of Jesus, and if his wife dies, of joining her in Heaven. But, something tells me that Bill doesn’t really feel that way today.

But this essay is also not meant to be a criticism of Christianity. Instead, I’m merely trying to point out how strongly our attitudes and beliefs can affect the outlook of our lives. If Bill were a Buddhist, would he be feeling any different today? I’m going to say “Yes”, but with a hint of trepidation, because it seems that no matter how strong or “valid” a belief might be, in the end the core, or fundamental reality of the human psyche and spirit will most often push the beliefs away leaving only our basic, instinctual feelings to rule; stuff like in Bill’s case, a fear for his survival and loss of hope for tomorrow. His “Faith” may or may not bring him out of that. “May or may not”. Therein lies the true reality, the “Isness” of Bill’s life today and, I suspect, most of the human race, living faintly day by day in this thing that we call “Life”. Indeed, this is it.

The Irony of Life

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There was a very beautiful blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see all the world, I will marry you!!!’

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, “Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?”. The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked and, although would never admit to another, repulsed her—she hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at him for the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him…and secretly in her heart she knew there must be someone “better”.

Her boyfriend left in tears….and a few weeks later wrote a note to her saying: “Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.”

This is how the human brain often works when our status in life changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

As for this “One Man”…I remember and am very grateful for those who remain beside me. Thank you all…may God bless you.

Israeli Child-seeking Bombs Discovered!

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On January 6th, UN Officials uncovered one of the most devious plots against humanity! As we all saw on television during that time….in all important newscasts, it appeared that only children were targeted in the Israeli war against the Hamas. In fact, Israeli scientists, contracted years ago shortly after the US-Russian cold-war, somehow harnessed the technological ability to aim and successfully target and kill only children under the age of 13!

As the news reported,  a SCHOOL was targeted. Thankfully, there were no children in the school at the time. There was only a coincidental gathering of Hamas insurgents with their weapons and bombs temporarily staying there. They were purportedly enjoying and sharing a peacefull meal of Stouffers Salisbury Steak frozen dinners along with numerous innocent Palastinian residents who had also gone to the school for a Parent-Teacher’s meeting (but were really there hoping not to be killed by the Israeli bombing). Some wondered what the men with all their guns were doing there at the same time….but were calmed when told and assured that the Holiday Inn down the street was full for the night.

As the news has recently clearly shown, this sick, devious Israeli technology was harnessed and ruthlessly unleashed in the recent Israeli attacks against the Hamas people. Children (at least one or two who, sadly, also enjoy Salisbury Steak Dinners) under the age of 13 were mercilessly, sadistically killed in retaliation for the Hamas shooting off a few simple home-made rockets (only a FEW THOUSAND or so) into Israel.

Authors Commentary:

I can’t believe how modern day people could be so horribly cold-hearted. The Israeli’s probably stole millions of dollars from donations to their “Wailing Wall'” in Jerusalem to aid in their research….research which has led to the horrible deaths of hundreds, perhaps thousands of innocent children living in the Gaza strip…especially those who enjoy Stouffers Salisbury Steak Dinners. Meanwhile…the Hamas continue to shoot endless missiles into Israel in protest against this horrible technological advance. “Shoot more missiles”, they have been heard to say chanting in the streets…”and maybe Israel will get the message….that we know about their devious plot to kill our Salisbury Steak-loving children!!!” Some have even been heard to add, mouths frothing— “Continue to kill our children and we will cut your heads off with Starfish Tuna can lids!”.

Let us all hope and pray that the war between Israel and the Hamas never extends to such horrific means!

Yes, of course I am being totally satirical here, and am not at all serious. Clearly, the media, who seem to be biased towards the Hamas, have made the conflict appear horrible, by focusing their cameras on children casualties. But the media have also indicated that the Hamas have been purposely hiding themselves amongst the civilian population, miskenly assuming that the Israeli army would not attack those locations where civilian casualities, like children, are located!?

Meanwhile, yes, innocent civilian children and adults are being killed. The Hamas leadership must have considered such loses as calculated, “Collateral damage”. Such things deemed morally “acceptable” during war. Most likely the Hamas continue to shoot their misiles into Israel…not to further their ideological cause, but to revenge the death of their loved ones. Revenge is a human trait and emotion that is very potent, it can last for years, even centuries, until it is satisfied, and can in the end cause a blurring or even complete forgetfulness of the original purpose.

I “suspect” that Israel and the Hamas both have some revenge issues at play here… 

Mysterious Burst of Light in Space….

~ Tim ~ 2 Comments

This pair of NASA Hubble Space Telescope pictures shows the appearance of a mysterious burst of light that was detected on February 21, 2006, brightened over 100 days, and then faded into oblivion after another 100 days. The source of the outburst remains unidentified….

Click on this link to read the full story from the Hubblesite Newscenter:  Full Story

Optical Transient SCP 06F6

Lung Cancer Breakthrough

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Common Food Additive Found To Increase Risk And Speed Spread Of Lung Cancer
It is always exciting to see breakthroughs in Health Care. This Lung-Cancer breakthrough suggests that if we don’t anything that contains food additives, then we can avoid Lung-Cancer worries altogether! I hear another call for “Organic” !
ScienceDaily (2008-12-30) — New research in an animal model suggests that a diet high in inorganic phosphates, which are found in a variety of processed foods including meats, cheeses, beverages and bakery products, might speed growth of lung cancer tumors and may even contribute to the development of those tumors in individuals predisposed to the disease. … > read full article

Social Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Zoloft, and Christmas.

~ Tim ~ 8 Comments

Yes, what could these three things have in common? Me! Sort of… When I was young, I suffered terrible “Social Anxiety Disorder”. That means, I was at home–at home, but in the most horrible part of whatever the worst part of the world was, during the rest of the time, I wasn’t. No, I was not Agoraphobic….I was just terrified to be singled-out, when I was out in public. Let’s call that “Public-aphobic”. That was me, to the tee—then.

In later life, as an “Adult” I suffered terrible depression and anxiety, especially after the break-up of my marriage and seperation from my kids. I tried every and all anti-depressants during that time, including Zoloft. The “SSRI’s” like Zoloft, Paxil and Effexor are very, very effective at addressing those suffering from Social Anxiety and/or Depression. I ended up taking Paxil for about 6 years, rather than Zoloft. Zoloft’s immediate side-effects didn’t agree with me, but I hear that it works just about as well for many others as Paxil did for me. For the last few years I have been taking “Remeron”, which has worked quite well with both my Depression and Anxiety…quite well, but not totally.

Nothing, however, could replace, cover-up or “fix” the pain that I felt in my heart and soul as a result of my seperation from my children…my experience anyway.

These days, I’m “Philoso-phobic”. I no longer fear the outside world. Times passing has worked it’s magic for the worst of the depression and anxiety problems (for the most part). NOW I fear what the REST of the world are experiencing in THEIR outside world….ascribing to this or that philosophy….believing in it so much that they kill people, or even worse, as torture, deny or don’t care about those people who are outside of their “mini-brain”, narrow lines of thought.

But this is Christmas! This is supposed to be my first Christmas…..no, lets call this my first “Trans-Christmas” gem of thought, isn’t it?

Indeed. The Christmas that most of us celebrate here in North America is a watered-down version of Christainity. Watered-down, however, for good reason; Christians have been waiting for over 2000…that’s TWO THOUSAND years for Jesus Christ to make good on his word. Even his closest disciples thought that what he said was going to transpire within their life-times. WRONG! I dunno, but if I was Jesus—who professed to be God (indirectly at least)—I don’t think I would make myself in any way VAGUE…if I was certain that I would return very soon, I wouldn’t make my best friends wait TWO THOUSAND YEARS! If I had I friend like that, by now I would say that he was either very mistaken in his calcualation…or very rude, or at worst, totally deceived in his own thinking!!!

As for me, I’m not waiting for Jesus to return before I enjoy my Turkey dinner, are you??? If you are, I hope your enjoy the next TWO THOUSAND years, cause that amount of time is way too long for any sane human to wait. Come on….isn’t it? I can see you wavering….digging up the latest theological reason for this guy’s horrible truancy! Come on…

Nevertheless…I still recognize the “Uniqueness of Jesus”….as so beautifully described in a little booklet publish by the organization, “Campus Crusade for Christ”, written by its founder, Bill Bright. But as much as I recognize that, 30 years later, I stand somewhat disappointed, because I have not seen in my own life any evidence all of those so beautiful claims and promises that Jesus apparently made. I am these days, therefore, a reluctant skeptic. Prove me wrong!!! I welcome your input!!!

IN THE MEANTIME:  On behalf the the ever-absent Jesus Christ in my life….I would like to welcome all of those who are alive in THIS present time and age to still enjoy at least the kernal of what Jesus left us after all these years…to enjoy the spirit of giving, more so of compassion that he showed to us, however brief his time was, and to NOW connect with a “REAL LIVE PERSON”….who, I’m sorry to admit, will probably only live another half century—at most—but in the absense of you know who….I would be happy to connect with you…to give you any and all encouragement that I can, to keep on keeping on in this very, very long “Jesus-waiting-line”….but rather in this thing that I just call “Life”…which is as it is….so sorry to disappoint you…but by simply accepting the TRUTH of the matter (something Jesus spoke highly of, until he ‘ascended’, leaving the rest of us ‘descended’) but which, if seen from a slightly different angle, can still be GLORIOUS.

That’s my CHRISTmas wish, and New Years dream….to be able to put here on this simple blog…something for you that will enflame your heart and spirit and hopefully nourish your soul.

I wish you all the very best that could happen…that might happen…that could still happen on this beautiful Xmas Eve of 2008. We just have to have an open heart and open mind to let it, to let LIFE be…as it is. Let life be as it is. Don’t try to make it what you think it should be….just let it BE, AS IT IS. If you do that, I PROMISE you….more peace and happiness is in your future than you can imagine.

Much love to you all,

Tim
P.S. If you would like to hear more about my years of Anti-depressant and Anti-Anxiety drugs and experiences, pleast let me know.